JRK Studios

Seq Question of the Day

2012-01-21T15:58:00.000-08:00

Do people leave me because I need them or do I need them because they leave me?

Everybody abandons me

2011-12-22T08:59:00.001-08:00

Not quite literally, but still literally.

Once again I wish I was dead (I'm overreacting but I don't know how to express myself any better)

I feel an inner peace

2011-12-18T13:53:00.001-08:00

Can't pin down what exactly it is,

but it is good.

Sleep through the Static

Have we ever been here before?

2011-12-11T12:26:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry that I'm not like you

And this was the moment I discovered

2011-10-26T12:26:00.001-07:00

Infinity is a lie

Nobody can live an endless dream.

I love, my love, you love, all love

2011-08-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

I miss my love, and I have no idea what the situation is vice versa

It makes me feel

I couldn't care less

2011-07-31T11:59:00.001-07:00

At the same time I couldn't care any more

Why am I so damned as a fuck

Beautiful rain, beautiful showers

2011-07-23T04:50:00.000-07:00

Dropping in vain and sincerely

100 entries?

2011-07-16T08:07:00.001-07:00

I like

The Flying Cup Club

2011-07-12T04:20:00.001-07:00

Silence of an airborne night
Push high above the roof
Daughters of the Red lights blind
The icy works of art
The city lights and restless nights
Go once upon the Lord
You and I will lie beside the fire sparked from boards

The best I did

2011-05-19T09:51:00.001-07:00

at my graduation exams

4 As of 4 up to now.

Great job

I'm back

2011-04-16T06:22:00.001-07:00

and not alone

I hope it's gonna work

Fair?

2011-03-21T15:09:00.000-07:00

It's just not fair.

WHY

2011-03-14T13:37:00.001-07:00

the biggest question of them all

it is also the most important one

"Growing up"

2011-03-01T14:18:00.001-08:00

I hereby admit I am responsible for all my future actions.

Amen

It took me three days to realize...

2011-02-28T11:47:00.001-08:00

...that today's my birthday

(but it isn't, really)

Sometimes stuff just happens...

2011-02-19T12:09:00.001-08:00

like last night

Everyday

2011-01-22T03:20:00.001-08:00

UTER

2011-01-10T05:54:00.001-08:00

RUSS!

Hello there, 2011...

2011-01-05T11:52:00.001-08:00

...starting promising.

let's see how it lasts

Testblog

2010-12-14T07:23:00.001-08:00

testing the time

oh and new keyboard

edit: okay, it's 9 hours behind. I should've known

And I would love to see that day...

2010-11-26T16:12:00.000-08:00

...that day is mine

Friday, 26. November 2010

was a nice day, a sunray amidst the cloak of darkness around me

Now it's

Saturday, 27. November 2010

it will be epic... perhaps

30 years of Krowodnrock

Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie.

2010-11-03T16:14:00.000-07:00

...first kisses?

I am a little thoughtful, a little

Brush the cobwebs out of the sky...

2010-10-23T16:53:00.001-07:00

...and sail us to the moon.

If you just knew.

Whenever the sun sets...

2010-10-20T11:16:00.000-07:00

...I'll keep reaching for the horizon

Shine up, little girl.

The great turn-around...

2010-10-04T14:09:00.001-07:00

Somehow all this just doesn't work out.

Pessimism is my way to go.

Yes, I'm hearing voices too...

2010-09-25T09:06:00.001-07:00

...but I'm more cut up than you.

Wiegenlied

2010-08-25T14:32:00.000-07:00

Schlof, mei Engerl, tuif und fejst,
die Eigalan moch zui.
Ho kua Aungst und hoit mei Haund,
aft´ find di Söö a Rui.

Lous, die Frejsch, am Aunga drunt,
sej singan da a Liad.
Irgendwou kötzt nau a Hund,
wiad und wiad nit miad.

Schlof, soulaungs d´ nau schlofn kuust,
munkl di fejst ei!
Woar i heit mol bees mit dir,
kränk di net, vazeih!
Tram, soulaungs d´ nau trama kuust,
S´Wei-da zuig vorbei!
I blei bei dir, i geh nit fuat,
Schlof, mei Kind, schlof ei.

blaargh

2010-08-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

I feel lonely

Well...

2010-08-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

Friday the 13th with a heavy thunderstorm, the sky lightened up every three seconds, yet there was no sign of any thunder

The inevitable fuck-up of the year

2010-08-12T02:41:00.001-07:00

I don't think I need to add anything... do I?

I hate my father for doing this to me.

So just let go...

2010-07-28T14:50:00.001-07:00

Our sobriety will diminish
Discriminate we fade slow, fade slow
These drugs will expand us
United we will grow
Let go
Let go

Cliquot

2010-06-27T14:06:00.001-07:00

A plague in the workhouse, a plague on the poor
Now I'll beat on my drum 'til I'm dead
Yesterday, a fever, tomorrow, St. Peter
I'll beat on my drum until then.

But what melody will lead my lover from his bed?
What melody will see him in my arms again?

Set fire to foundation and burn out the station
You'll never get nothing of mine
The pane of my window will flicker and billow
I won't leave a stitching behind

But what melody will lead my lover from his bed?
What melody will see him in my arms again?

I'll sing of the walls of the well and the house at the top of the hill
I'll sing of the bottles of wine that we left on our old windowsill
I'll sing of the years you will spend getting sadder and older
Oh love, and the cold, the oncoming cold

After the Maturafeier

2010-06-25T15:50:00.000-07:00

shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit

shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit
shit

...shit.

Go die, finally.

I can't help but feel it's all worthless. Nothing ever is of any use for me. I'm never of any use to anybody.
And since we may rot both ways... why not be faster?
Saves us from even more.
Truly. This may be life, but why is it life?
Sometimes, life just gives us the finger. The irony.
The irony.

I am not going back.

Damned. That's what we all are.
We can't see it, because we are.
We can't know it, because we are.
We can't sense it, because we are.
Not giving a damn. Not giving any damn at all.

I'm worthless, and you most likely are too.
Why do we need to fight? Fight on?
What's all this about fighting spirits?
Is giving up not good enough?

Give up. Let yourself go. And toss and turn on the floor.
The floor.
Toss and turn.
Go.
Let it go.

Holy bitterness.
Agony, misery, distress, torment.
Come down and fetch me.
Come on, try me.
Try to catch me.
I'll be faster. Higher. Smarter.
There's nothing left. I'm gone.

My mind's gone.
Gone.
Disappeared.
Vaporized.
I'm a thoughtless being.
I'm a deadhearted being.
I'm a redundant being.

Completely useless. To the max.

I'm not here.

Kill me while you can.
It's fun, I promise. I promise.
And then we'll both be happy.
Both of us happy.
A dream within a dream.
Within a dream.

Pyramids. Black-eyed angels. Astral cars and figures. Lovers. Past and futures. Little row boat.

Nothing to fear.
Nothing to doubt.

We'll go fishing after my funeral.
It would mean a lot to me.
Really.

Hurry up. I'm waiting...

Hearing Damage

2010-06-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

A tear in the membrane allows the voices in.

You can do no wrong

in my eyes.

I should go die

2010-06-08T12:45:00.001-07:00

That's what everybody is waiting for

The shadow of inevitability has come over me

2010-05-21T12:26:00.001-07:00

I feel like I'm being held in a cage, with no way to break out.

As Dead as Leaves

2010-05-09T04:28:00.000-07:00

Scatterbrain.

As humble as it may be.

I dreamt...

2010-05-04T06:07:00.001-07:00

...that she loved me.

And I ask myself: How?

The new Monk era has begun.

2010-04-25T10:40:00.001-07:00

A little crime movie - a planned parody of Monk - with Konstantin in the main role.

I hope it will turn out successful.

Lifeless

2010-04-11T12:25:00.001-07:00

Everything around me seems monochrome.

There's just no use in all this.

How is your life today?

2010-03-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

The letters pile up in the hallway.
Junk mail and bills from the catalogues.
And the neighbors have guessed, 'coz you've cancelled the milk.
And they don't hear your voice through the walls... anymore.

How is your life today?

I got kissed on the cheek by a cold mouth.
While the taxi was waiting like a getaway car.
Each second seems like a lifetime.
And the cat, it's been staring at me... all the time.

How is your life today?

...

...

Hannah is supposed to come back today. I hope she's well.

You were born by the sun, you were given to me by the moon

2010-03-14T15:04:00.001-07:00

and the stars brought presents to your cradle

Fortuna's Favourites

Happy Birthday

2010-03-01T07:35:00.001-08:00

BRUJI - DAHAM

...

(17 dan)

I miss her so much

2010-01-29T16:19:00.001-08:00

she gave me a little kiss on my cheek

I may be paranoid

2010-01-17T09:21:00.001-08:00

but not an android

2010-01-07T10:30:00.001-08:00

(nothing to say.)

Happy New Year...?

2009-12-31T16:34:00.000-08:00

2010 came strolling along, I wonder what kind of surprises lurk behind the next corner...

A Short Story - Part 1

2009-12-27T17:34:00.000-08:00

Lionel sighed at his incompetence. If his personality had been just a little more like Richard's, he'd probably have absolutely no doubt about doing what he had planned to do for such a long time already. But Richard - Richard, that dick! He could never have enough of girls, it seems. Just like drugs. Girls equal drugs.

Lionel's thoughts. He himself, a tall, 17 year old boy with an average appearance, didn't have faith. And all because of this one girl. Anybody who didn't know Lionel really well could not have guessed he was in love - and that not just slightly. That one girl - Sonja was her name - seemed perfectly flawless to him. Her face, her laugh, her eyes. And her hair, seemingly glowing in an orange-reddish color every time he moved his eyes towards her.
It wasn't like love at first sight, no - not at all, actually. She had been visiting Lionel's class for a good 6 years already, but earlier he had hardly noticed her. But things change. And so do times. Seems like her attraction built up on him over time.
It wouldn't have been a problem for Lionel. He started to get to know her better in the 8th grade. And it seemed she fancied him too. The only problem - and the biggest one of them - Richard. He came to their class in the beginning of the 9th grade and as already mentioned he was a womanizer. To make matters worse, he was also intelligent.
Lionel couldn't stand womanizers anyways, but when he overheard Richard flirting with Sonja, it drove him completely mad. And that was also the first time he noticed how much he actually cared for her.

Whatever gave him the feeling that Sonja liked Richard more than him and Richard fancied Sonja too, Lionel couldn't live with it. He had had many little fancies and crushes before, but really nothing interesting. This time he felt a clear difference. Maybe he experienced true love. Or maybe not. Usually 15 year old teens do get illusions about knowing about true love.
The more often Richard talked to Sonja, the less Lionel did. He kept feeling like a misfit whenever he was near her. It was at some point before winter break that he decided he had to tell her or he would die. But the next day it came completely different, as usual. Richard was flirting with Sonja when Lionel entered the class.

They were in the middle of Lionel's perspective. He didn't have the least time to hide them from his line of sight. And the picture of just that moment was burnt into Lionel's memory. How Sonja's laugh expanded while her shiny eyes surveyed Richard's face. How Richard was about to pet her face. Lionel could clearly feel an iron needle mercilessly stinging into his chest repeatedly and his heart started to beat way faster. Gravity seemed to pull him down more and more with every passing millisecond.
Lionel backed off and ran out of the building.
...what was happening to him? He couldn't understand... but couldn't stop running either. His feet and body seemed to take him somewhere by themselves.
Lionel didn't care. It all appeared meaningless to him. He wasn't very surprised when his legs came to a halt on a little bridge above a stream - the Stoober Bach... the water wasn't frozen, but it was cold enough to freeze a person to death...

I'm wondering

2009-12-25T16:29:00.000-08:00

Any way out?

Or any way to dissolve my senseless anxiety into dust, upon which I'd be able to blow the dustpile away... freeing them of their own burden?

Number 49

2009-12-21T11:50:00.000-08:00

Drivin' trough that hicktown in an old Chevy-Truck
Listening to the radio while hitting a duck
As the engine broke down and started smokin' hard
we got out and tried to fix it on an old man's yard
He told us 'bout the things happened down at 49
While telling us these stories he almost started cryin'
Tellin' us that the (<- oder The story about a) man who lived in the wood
Had killed several people down from the neighborhood

Bonfire stories
'bout a nasty crime
scary things happened down at number 49
Number 49
At number 49

The killer had transported them in an old rusty van
He had never shown any sorrow while killing them
He had painted his car red with the victims blood
And buried their bodies down in the forest's mud
He wasn't very old, he just married his bride
All these things stopped when he commited suicide
They found him hanging on a bulk, backyard in the barn
Left alone by his parents on their old hidden farm
In a dark basement corner they found his wife
too late, her body cut open with a knife
Even the bravest men lost their breath
She was lying in blood and tortured to death

There happened a big big crime
Down at number 49
Number 49
At number 49

All these things happened twenty years ago
Nobody remembers when it rained blood and snow
All these things happened twenty years ago
Nobody remembers when it rained blood and snow

There happened a big, big crime
Down at number 49
Number 49
At number 49

There happened a big big crime
Down at number 49
Number 49
At number 49

The engine breaks down...

2009-12-21T10:38:00.000-08:00

He painted his car red with the victim's blood,
and buried the bodies in the forest's mud!

Bonfire stories - down at forty-nine!
Bonfire stories - and you can see the fire burnin' in his eyes!

"Minimalists" and "Climbing Up the Walls"

2009-12-10T14:08:00.000-08:00

Level Name: Minimalists

Level Number: N/A

Number of Lemmings: 20

To be saved: 95% (19 Lemmings)

Release Rate: 01

Time limit: 1 minute

Difficulty: Hardcore (Rating: 4)

Light-hearted players will seek inner destruction...

---

Level Name: Climbing Up the Walls

Level Number: N/A

Number of Lemmings: 50

To be saved: 96% (48 Lemmings)

Release Rate: 73

Time limit: 1 minute

Difficulty: Hardcore (Rating: 4)

POOR WEE CREATURES!

I feel left out

2009-12-09T10:47:00.001-08:00

Nobody ever wants to talk to me more than to anybody else.

Bruji - Milena

2009-12-02T13:22:00.000-08:00

"Excursion" and "Triple-minded"

2009-11-30T11:42:00.000-08:00

Level Name: Excursion

Level Number: N/A

Number of Lemmings: 20

To be saved: 95% (19 Lemmings)

Release Rate: 01

Time limit: 2 minutes

Difficulty: Complex (Rating: 3)

I wouldn't want to get involved in THAT.

---

Level Name: Triple-minded

Level Number: N/A

Number of Lemmings: 30

To be saved: 76% (23 Lemmings)

Release Rate: 01

Time limit: 3 minutes

Difficulty: Hardcore (Rating: 4)

Hm, I don't see how this might work...

Also updating levels of my Lemmings Remake...

2009-11-30T11:31:00.001-08:00

Keep an eye on them

The concert is over.

2009-11-25T12:48:00.001-08:00

I can hear the ravens scream.

Winter is coming along. Lookin' forward to it.

Some people just don't get it.

2009-11-20T14:54:00.001-08:00

I'm one of them.

Pull me out of the aircrash, pull me out of the lake

2009-10-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

'cause I'm your superhero

We are standing on the end.

ReMiX #13 Completed

2009-10-18T12:34:00.001-07:00

..."Midnight Dance of the Graven Lemmings"

http://www.vertigofx.com/jrkstudios/remix/lemmings2.htm

Beast of a Level (ReMiX in progress...)

2009-10-16T15:40:00.001-07:00

...and I guess it's gonna be my favourite one when it's done.

But I should invest time into it.

You'll go to hell

2009-10-10T05:06:00.001-07:00

for what your dirty mind is thinking

Why is Ganondorf afraid of the internet?

2009-10-07T11:05:00.001-07:00

Because there are so many Links.

For no real reason

2009-10-06T04:36:00.001-07:00

You've got a head full of feathers

you got melted to butter.

Strangling Lullaby (a ReMiX)

2009-10-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

in progress

maybe a little anecdote with it?

It so happened I have been at Kuga yesterday, hanging out with friends (mainly Konsti, Hannah, Isi, Ralph, Ivana, Mira, Mirjam, Stephano), visiting Elektrikeri's next gig. The gig itself was awesome.

Some things made me worry though. I cannot explain it. It's something in human nature that just is unexplainable, I'm pretty sure you know of something similar. Some kind of anxiety, probably. But anxiety about what?

Yesterday night did keep me puzzled, as did the 3 young girls Ivana Mira and Mirjam, as they drank some light alcoholic beverages, seemed to be a bit drunk but in fact weren't, I think.
Also had a nice litte talk with Isi, and I'm gonna note that weird name of one of her horses now (I kept forgetting it), or at least the pronunciation: Flyxör.

More duboko, more plavo, kad ćeš opet bit more ljubavi?

A beautiful girl

2009-09-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

can turn your world into dust

Airbag

2009-09-09T13:29:00.001-07:00

Missed the Dan Mladine

2009-09-06T03:32:00.001-07:00

...so what am I supposed to do?

Listening to...

2009-09-02T07:13:00.001-07:00

Bishop's Robes

I miss...

2009-08-31T12:11:00.001-07:00

somebody

Listening to...

2009-08-25T15:16:00.001-07:00

Videotape

2 more ReMiXes

2009-08-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

...

11 - March through the Underworld ("Underworld" from "Kid Icarus", classical remix)

12 - Skydiving ("Skydiving" from "Pilotwings")

Will update onto homepage soon.

A Reminder

2009-07-21T14:56:00.000-07:00

If I get old, I will not give in.
But if I do, remind me of this.
Remind me that once I was free,
once I was cool, once I was me.
And if I sat down, and crossed my arms,
hold me into this song.

Knock me out, smash out my brains.
If I take a chair, start to talk shit...

If I get old, remind me of this:
That night we kissed, and I really meant it.
Whatever happens, if we're still speaking.
Pick up the phone, play me this song.

IDIOT

2009-07-01T05:10:00.001-07:00

SLOW DOWN

Gold

2009-06-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

Zwei Männer hatten Gold bekommen.

Heißt das 2 Sieger, oder ein Traum?

Mist, der eine ist wütend!

Was soll der andere tun?

Er hatte keine andere Wahl, als sich zu schützen.

„Es klappt! Ich habe mich geschützt!“

Der andere krachte, weil er umgeflogen ist, von dem Schutz.

Aber er haute zurück, weil er krachte und alle Leute ihn auslachten.

Piff!

Schon hat er einen blauen Fleck.

Der eine, hatte Pech!

The death of a relative

2009-06-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

Sunday.
June 21st, 2009.
4 PM.

The grim reaper has called for my grandmother's name.
And she couldn't manage to resist.

Rest in peace, Adelinde.

Nema problema

2009-06-19T14:58:00.000-07:00

sve ok

Depressions?

2009-06-14T13:41:00.001-07:00

She's runnin out the door?

...god, what? Why do people call lowpoints in a curve depressions?

Terrible

Osiječko su išali.

2009-05-31T00:10:00.000-07:00

Ja ne razumim.
How could their departure move me so much...?
Speech and gabbling, goodbye kisses, farewell hugs. The bus is waiting.
Sometimes it is better not to think back.
Sometimes it is just better.
Što radite? Idete li domu?
Zašto ne možete čekati, ljudi?
You're driving me to tears.

A new toy to play with...

2009-05-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

...called Open Zelda.

You may google for it.

Tears

2009-05-22T05:11:00.000-07:00

Another weird dream?
The first part was about some Zelda animation I made, first 2D, then 3D something. (Also, a sea and beach appeared in the dream.)

The end was weird. My uncle had me hold a speech and I failed horribly. He told me that I was very bad (or something along those lines). I got depressive and ran away from the people. Then I hid on the staircase in our school and saw my Biology teacher going, apparently to our class (which in fact wasn't). She returned and spotted me. I started to cry and opened the window, leaning out. I asked her if she didn't want to see me die, she said no. But she was kinda angry.

...well, what the fudge? I woke up with my face in tears.

Kandidat Leben

2009-05-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

Sie wissen nichts von Wahrheit?
Sie wissen nichts von Gerechtigkeit?
Sie wissen nichts von Liebe?
Davon wissen Sie nichts?!
Ich danke, es genügt.
Wir sind fertig, Kandidat Leben!

Brief Story of Unhappiness and Despair

2009-04-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

"A sudden flashback... Please, no...

The bell rang.
Friday's class was over. Another weekend was about to start.
I sighed. It didn't mean happiness to me. There was a reason why I hated weekends, and Fridays.
There they went, my classmates. I didn't hold anybody particular back; I preferred being alone and hated the masses of people in the locker room.
Five more minutes I sat, staring on my watch. Just like I usually used to do.

The moment I reached the locker room, I suddenly shivered.
Yes, I saw her. Nobody else.
It was too late to turn back, she had spotted me. And smiled at me.
The evil smile I knew so well all the past years.
It was completely paranoid.

Being the polite person I was, I didn't turn around and go. Or rather, it was something much bigger.
Slowly I approached the girl.
I walked past her, put my bag on the bench and unlocked my locker.
I was lost in thought. I didn't know what to do.
I felt like she was watching every tiny movement I did.
More shivers.
'Did you like that speech?', she asked me calmly. Her voice shattered through the invisible force wall which had seperated my thoughts from my rationality.
'Constantine's speech? It was... alright... I guess...', I slowly said, trying to keep calm. With the corners of my eyes I glanced at her.
I tied my shoelaces, while I heard her closing her locker.
There was some silence. Finally I closed my locker and got back to my bag.
She was still arranging some stuff in hers.
I hesitated.
'Hannah', I said. She looked at me, and I watched her eyes.
I had never done that often.
Her eyes were not beautiful; that would have been an insult to their real pulchritude.
There was something in the eyes, catching me.
What did her smile tell me? That little smile.
And I forced myself...
Slowly I went up to her. And I took her in my arms.
She replied the hug.
She replied the hug...
She replied it...
I could have cried. I could have died.
I didn't try to kiss her. It could have ruined our friendship. And my pride. And my life.
What did I live for, then?
30 seconds passed, and my heart exploded.
I let go. Unwillingly. But conscience took overhand. Just when my feelings had come to a weak point.
And I watched her gentle face, as its smile widened. Beyond imagination.
'You're so cute', she whispered.
I turned to get my bag.

She's distant to me now. Because she knows I love her.
With her help, I managed to see colours. Beautiful colors. Colours of life. They've never been here before.
I had been blind before. Truly blind.
How could I be that stupid?
Colours of happiness, colours of love, colours of life...
Why are they fading? Fading away? Fading to black?
What have I become? What have I become?
Those colours...!
I don't want to lose them... ... ..."

Time

2009-04-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

is relative.
Tomorrow is school and it kinda scares the crap outta me.
Now I want to die. (But there's a wolf at the door.)

Now...

2009-04-09T10:46:00.001-07:00

...what's going on here?

I'm not motivated to do anything, yet bored.
Though I'd love to play some Mafia rounds now. But pieguy isn't around.

Hmm... what should I do?

No Surprises

2009-03-26T12:11:00.000-07:00

A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal

You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent

This is my final fit, my final bellyache with

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please

Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden

No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)

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I lost all my feelings within the last week. I don't know what I am...?

Seltsamer Traum.

2009-03-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

Der Weltuntergang war nahe.
Dunkelheit beherrschte die Welt. Der Himmel war schawrz. Die Luft drückend schwer.
Voller Schweiß im Gesicht wachte ich auf und eilte ins Badezimmer, um mich im Spiegel zu sehen. Mein Gesicht war vollkommen rot; bis auf meine Augen, meine Nase und meine Lippen. Es fühlte sich wirklich heiß an. Ich drehte das Wasser auf und versuchte, mein Antlitz zu kühlen, doch das Wasser war warm. Ich stellte den Hahn kalt ein, und es kam auch kaltes Wasser, doch als ich mein Gesicht damit wusch, fühlte ich immer noch warmes Wasser. Geschockt fürchtete ich, ich hätte mir eine Seuche eingefangen.
Mein Vater tauchte auf und er brachte mich ins Freie, in die einschüchternde Dunkelheit. Wir gingen einen Feldweg entlang, dann nahm er mich mit in ein Haus. In diesem erkannte ich einige meiner Mitschülerinnen und begrüßte sie. Während des Traumes hatte ich das Gefühl, es wäre Jennys Zuhause gewesen, doch jetzt weiß ich, dass es nicht möglich war. Es sah mehr nach einer Bar aus.
Plötzlich verschwand mein Vater und ich fand mich draußen stehend wieder. Ich erschauerte wegen der bloßen Schwärze der unendlichen Nacht. Ich war allein. Das Gebäude existierte nicht mehr.
An einem Zeitpunkt tauchte Konstantin, ein anderer Klassenkamerad, auf, und dann betraten wir eine Art Geschäft. Keine Person war anwesend. Ich erinnere mich nicht genau was wir dann taten, aber ich weiß, dass wir schließlich Münzen aufsammelten, die irgendwo auf dem Boden und auf einigen Produkten auf den Regalen verstreut waren. Aus welchem Grund auch immer schnitten wir eine Art Schale von den Münzen runter, wobei der entfernte Teil wertlos war. Der Rest ergab die eigentlich Münze und deren angehörigen Wert. Noch merkwürdiger, die Münzen waren Pounds und Pennies.
Im Traum hatte ich das Gefühl, dass wir stahlen. Schließlich kam die Ladenbesitzerin herein und suchte nach etwas. Wir versteckten die Münzen in unseren Händen hinter unseren Rücken. Als ob es ein Spiel gewesen wäre, wusste ich, dass etwas passieren musste. Etwas, das zur Folge hatte, dass die Besitzerin uns erwischen würde. Ich schlich mich zur Tür. Eine kleine Münze entwischte zwischen meinen Fingern und landete mit einem klimpernden Geräusch am Boden. Es war laut genug. Aus meinen Augenwinkeln konnte ich erkennen, dass die Ladenbesitzerin sich nach mir umdrehte. Dann schlüpfte ich hinaus. Ich rannte zurück in die Richtung, aus der wir gekommen waren. Alle paar Meter legte ich eine Münzenschale (welche ironischerweise wie Bierflaschendeckel aussahen) in der Hoffnung auf den Boden, dass Konstantin dieser Spur und somit mir folgen würde, könnte er entkommen.
Während all jenes geschah, bemerkte ich nie, dass nirgendwo Leute auf dem Weg waren. Wirklich, niemand. Es mag zwar total dunkel gewesen sein, aber es gab Lichtquellen, die Straßenlampen. Sie erschienen mir wie die einzigen Bauten, die die Dunkelheit durchbrachen.
Nach einer Weile überquerte ich eine kleine Brücke und kam zu einer Art Garten, welches einer kleinen Villa angehörte. In jenem Garten standen ein Haufen Bänke und Tische. Merkwürdigerweise war jede Bank von Kindern besetzt. Kinder, die wahrscheinlich um die zehn Jahre alt waren. Ich schritt ein wenig herum und wurde fast paranoid. Was hatten all diese Kinder vor? Sie saßen nur und starrten mich an. Angsteinflößend.
Als ich mich umsah, dachte ich an das einzige Kind in etwa dem Alter, an das ich in dem Moment denken konnte. Genau in diesem Augenblick erspähte ich sie. Sie saß auf der Linken einer Bank bei dem Tisch, welches der Brücke am nächsten war.
Dieses Mädchen war Ivana. Sie ist Konstantins 12-jährige Schwester, die mich mit dem gleichen, scharfen Blick beobachtete, wie sie es immer in der Schule tut. Nichtsdestotrotz wirkte sie ziemlich lieb. Ich ging zu ihr hinüber und nahm sie mit. Sie wehrte sich nicht.
Wir gingen über die Brücke, zurück in die Richtung, in der das Geschäft gewesen war. Ich achtete nicht darauf, ob die Münzschalen noch am Boden lagen, doch nach einiger Zeit erblickten wir Konstantin und die Ladenbesitzerin. Sie zog Konstantin hinter sich her, unterwegs in die Richtung, in die Ivana und ich ebenfalls gingen. Konstantin sah uns nicht. Ivana und ich versuchten sie aufzuholen, doch plötzlich erschien in der Ferne ein riesiges Tor. Mit der Zeit kam es immer näher.
Konstantin ließ die Münzen aus seiner Hand auf den Rand des Weges fallen. Ich lief hin um sie aufzusammeln, dann folgten wir ihnen wieder.
Eine riesige Anzahl an Menschen standen in einer Schlange, um ins Tor zu kommen. An deren Ende standen Wächter, die jede Person kontrollierten. In diesem Moment leuchtete mir ein, dass das Tor eine Art Gefängnis war, welches alle Leute betreten wollten, freiwillig und unfreiwillig. Ich wusste auch, dass dieses Tor den sicheren Tod bedeutete. Den ewigen Tod.
Konstantin wurde unfreiwillig vor das Tor geschleppt. Sie waren mitten in der Schlange, als ich mit Ivana das Tor erreichte. Ich ließ Ivana in der Ecke neben dem Tor stehen und eilte zu den Wächtern. Gerade als Konstantin und die Ladenbesitzerin kontrolliert wurden, kam ich zu ihnen. Mein Gesicht brannte. Ich bat die Wächter, ihn gehen zu lassen, ich versuchte sogar, sie zu bestechen (ich erinnere mich noch an die 9 1-Pfund Münzen in meiner Hand), doch sie verscheuchten mich streng. Streng, wie bereits der ganze Traum gewesen war. Ein kalter Schauer lief über meinen Rücken.
Verzweifelt kehrte ich zu seiner kleinen Schwester zurück und legte meinen Arm um ihren Hals und ihre Schultern. Sie sah aus, als ob sie weinen wollte, es jedoch nicht könnte. Zusammen beobachteten wir Konstantin, der in diesem Moment durch das Tor schritt und aus unseren Augen verschwand. Ich war komplett perplex über die Menschenschlange; dachte im Ernst wirklich jeder, dass sie hinter diesem Tor das Paradies erwartete?
Ich hatte eine Art Kirchenmusik in meinem Ohr (ähnlich der Lieder Dante's Prayer und Falai Mina Amor), als ich plötzlich Jenny und ihre Freundinnen in der Schlange sah. "Jenny! NEIN!!", schrie ich sie an, doch sie hörten nicht...

Es WAR immerhin ein Alptraum. Etwa um diese Zeit herum wachte ich auf, und ich wunderte mich, warum und wie ich noch lebte.

Weird Dream

2009-03-07T07:19:00.000-08:00

The world was near its end.
Darkness ruled the outer world. The sky was black. The air felt heavy.
I woke up all sweaty and hurried to the bathroom to see me in the mirror. My face was all red except the area of my eyes, nose and mouth. It felt really hot. I turned on the water and tried to cool my face down, but the water was warm. I switched it to cold, and it did feel cold to my hands, but in my face it still was warm water. I was horrified, fearing I had got a crazy plague.
My dad appeared and he went outside with me, into the terrifying darkness. We walked along a country road, then he took me into a house. In there I recognized some of my female classmates and friends, and I went over to greet them. In the dream I thought it was Jenny's house, but now I know it couldn't have possibly been. It looked rather like a pub.
My father suddenly disappeared, and I was standing outside again. The sheer blackness of the endless night gave me a shiver. I was alone. The building was gone.
At some point Constantin, another classmate, appeared and we went into some sort of shop. There was nobody inside. I don't recall exactly what we did then, but I know we ended up picking up coins which were lying around on the floor and on some of the products in the shelves. For some odd reason we cut some hull down from the coins, whereas the cut down part was worthless, and the rest was the actual coin and its respective value. Even more strange, the coins were pounds and pennies.
In the dream I thought we were stealing. The shopkeeper came in and started looking for something. We hid the coins in our hands behind our backs. Just as if it were a game, I knew something would happen that would cause us to be caught. I walked to the door. A small coin slipped through my fingers and dropped onto the floor, making a climpering sound. It was loud enough. From the corner of my eye I could still spot the shopkeeper turning around in my direction, then I silently slipped through the door and ran back the direction we had come from. Every couple of meters I put a hull of a coin (which ironically looked like caps from beer bottles), just to make sure Constantin would be able to follow me if he had managed to escape.
While all of this happened, I never noticed there had never been any people on the road. Really, there was nobody. It may have been totally dark, but there were light sources, the street lamps. They seemed like the only objects to break through the blackness.
After a while I crossed a small bridge and reached some kind of garden which belonged to a residence. There were a lot of 2-person benches and tables. Oddly enough every seat was occupied by children. Children that most probably were around ten years old. I walked around a bit and nearly became paranoid. What were all those children doing? Just sitting and staring at me. Scary.
When I looked around, I thought about the only little child in approximately that age I could think of. Right at that moment I spotted her. She was sitting at the left end of a bench at the table which was nearest to the bridge.
That little girl was Ivana. She is Constantin's 12-year-old sister who was glancing at me with the same sharp look she always has at school. Nevertheless she was really cute. I went up to her and took her with me.
We walked over the bridge, back into the direction the shop had been. I don't know if the coin hulls were still lying there, but after some time we spotted Constantin and the shopkeeper. She was dragging Constantin into the direction we were going. He did not see us. Ivana and me tried to catch up, but all of a sudden a huge gate appeared. It was coming closer. I noticed Constantin dropped the coins in his hand onto the side of the road. I went to pick them up, then followed them again.
A huge amount of people were lining up to get into the gate. At the end of the line guards were standing, controlling each person. At that moment it came to me that the gate was a kind of prison where people went to, most of them without being told to. I also knew that gate meant death. Eternal death.
Though Constantin didn't want to go in; he was forced by the shopkeeper. They were in the middle of the line-up when me and Ivana reached the gate. I left Ivana at the near corner of the gate and hurried to the guards. I got there just when Constantin was controlled. My face burnt. I asked the guards to let him go, I even tried to bribe them (I recall having had exactly 9 1-pound coins and some pennies), but they stayed stern. Stern, as the whole dream had already been. It scared me really hard.
Desperately I went back to his little sister and put my arm over her neck and shoulders. She seemed like she wanted to cry, but she didn't manage it. Together we watched Constantin pass through the gate. I was totally perplex about the line-up; did everybody really think salvation would expect them there?
I had some kind of church music in my ears (similar to Dante's Prayer and Falai Mina Amor), when I saw Jenny and her friends in the line-up. I remember shouting at them. It was something along the lines of "Jenny! NO!!". They wouldn't listen, of course...

It WAS a nightmare, after all. Sometime around then I woke up, wondering why and how I still lived.

I don't know...

2009-02-28T12:05:00.000-08:00

I'm kinda feeling dizzy and that all at the moment. Gonna go out tonight, maybe I'm just a little nervous.

Let Down.

2008-12-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

Transport
Motorways and Tramways
Starting and then stopping
Taking off then landing
The emptiest of feelings
disappointed people
clinging onto bottles
when it comes it's so, so disappointing.

Let down I'm hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground.

One day I'm gonna grow wings.
A chemical reaction.
Hysterical and useless.

ReMiX #11 in Progress: "Let's go on an adventure!"

2008-12-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

No screens, sadly.

But I'm gonna tell you it's going to be a mega-mix. And it will take long until I complete it.

Look forward to it!

A blog entry of a different...

2008-12-05T11:50:00.000-08:00

I feel pretty lonely at the moment.

Life, it seems, will fade away. It's just useless, everything. I can't think clearly, I can't concentrate. She's always in my mind.

I'm trying, but I'm not able to get away.
I'm turning into a phlegmatican.

ReMiX (Release x2): "Falling Down" and "Ruins of Cor"

2008-11-22T12:40:00.001-08:00

A small mix of a tetris theme and one from Legend of Zelda - Oracle of Seasons. Pretty proud about the Ruins one.

Find them here:
http://www.vertigofxdesigns.com/jrkstudios/index.htm

Wisdom of the Day

2008-11-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

"Die Chance, dass eine Bombe in einem Flugzeug ist, steht 1 zu 1 Million.
Die Chance, dass zwei Bombe in einem Flugzeug ist, steht alle millionen Male 1 zu 1 Million.

Wenn du das nächste mal fliegst, nehme die Chance war und finde eine Bombe."

(it is flawed in terms of spelling, but that's what makes it funny)
Translated, it means:

"The chance that there's one bomb in a plane is 1 to 1 million.
The chance that there're two bombs in a plane is 1 to 1 million every millionth time.

The next time you fly use the chance and find a bomb."

Animations x3: Moonwalk, Random and Falcon Punch

2008-11-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

These are some random stick figure animations I made.

Artwork x2: For A Minute and Pyramid Song

2008-11-05T09:20:00.000-08:00

Artwork x2: GTFO / Creep

2008-09-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

Quotes of the Day

2008-09-28T13:37:00.001-07:00

"What-se you-e doing-e?" ~Axel
"It's like the world is going to end so soon... and why should I believe myself?" ~Thom Yorke (Radiohead - You)

CC: Level 10 - Fourside

2008-09-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

A level with a mix of fire, water, ice and force. You'll need dexterity, insight, speed and logical abilities to pass this level.

Looks promisingly weird...